I grew up in a middle class family in the Midwest. I lived in a nice home located in a safe neighborhood. I lacked nothing. Throughout high school, I was a good student, and spent most of my free time practicing the violin.
I knew that I lived in one of the wealthiest countries on earth, in history. Poverty in Africa and China was a million miles away. I had a wonderful life. As I progressed in high school, my world continued to revolve around my violin, and my love of learning. I kept straight A’s. During my first years of college, I had the opportunity and privilege to work in a lab, and contribute research that later became three publications. Even today, I am competitive, and I love to win.
In 1999, I was awarded a scholarship to attend a university on the West Coast. I never dreamed that I would someday become a dirty homeless stranger living on the streets of my university’s surrounding community, for years.
Americans carry with them stereotypes of the homeless. They are viewed as drug addicts, alcoholics, and people who are just lazy. If they can’t get themselves off the streets, and are annoying to the community, locking them up is considered reasonable, but then there’s me. I never used drugs or alcohol at any time in my life. I have always loved to work hard, and embrace life with passion. (The picture above is me with two Kenyan girls. It was taken in Nairobi, Kenya, Africa in 2002. I raised money for a Kenyan charity in 2003).For me, becoming homeless on the streets, scavenging for leftover food people threw away, and being dirty was not a choice I made. It was behavior stemming from my untreated mental illness, which developed during my first years of college. (I am proof that schizophrenia can develop without the interference of alcohol or drugs). The illness drove me to refuse all contact with friends and family. My doctors still do not exactly know why I developed schizophrenia.
Becoming homeless on the streets and jailed for homeless behavior is not supposed to happen to drug and alcohol free young women who have great academic credentials. But when I continued to live in the libraries of the university were I had once been an honors student, no one questioned if I was ill. No one considered if my bizarre behavior was a symptom of mental illness, or if I was in need of intervention. After three years of homelessness, I grew worse, and I began to hear voices and see things and people that were not real. If I had been observed by a psychiatrist for less than five minutes, it would have been unequivocally determined that I was hearing voices, and needed an antipsychotic medication.
But no one knew enough or cared enough to evaluate me. I was finally jailed twice, once for three days and once for five, for trespassing on the campus of a university where I had been a good student, and where I believed in my heart I was still welcome.
To this day, I wonder, what do they think my motive was, in remaining at the university? If I were there by accident, or if I were there because I was confused (which I was) would that be a crime? No one considered why a former university honors student would chose to become a dirty homeless stranger living outside. They just locked me up.
But this part of my life story had a happy ending. I had to choose between living in the hospital or living in my parents’ home, as my parents were fully prepared to go to court if I tried to be homeless again. My doctors gave me a last-resort, potentially dangerous, but highly efficacious antipsychotic that works well when all other antipsychotics fail. With my parents’ compassionate support, I always took my medication, and I didn’t give up. The medication finally worked. I regained my insight, realizing how sick I had become. After several more months, I recovered, and I transferred to a university nearby my parents’ home. When I graduated as a Student Marshal, my psychiatrists encouraged me to write my memoir.
Today, there is so much corruption in the way the mentally ill are treated. Serious mental disorders like schizophrenia, if left untreated, can lead to many bad outcomes, like homelessness or imprisonment. In almost all American cities, the local jail may contain more mentally ill persons than the local psychiatric hospitals. Untreated mental illness can also lead to suicide.
Our society is often deaf to the plea of our mentally ill, as we mindlessly jail people with psychiatric disorders. I was locked up without a second thought, for behavior that was erratic, not criminal. If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.
Today, I have been fully recovered from schizophrenia for eleven years with no relapse thanks to a rarely used generic medication called clozapine. I graduated from the University of Cincinnati in 2011 with high honor in molecular biology. In 2014, I published my memoir Mind Estranged: My Journey from Schizophrenia and Homelessness to Recovery. (My mother also published a memoir in 2014 about her own journey called Flight from Reason: A Mother’s Story of Schizophrenia, Recovery and Hope.)
In 2016, my psychiatrist Dr. Henry Nasrallah and I joined forces to establish the CURESZ Foundation (Comprehensive Understanding via Research and Education into SchiZophrenia).
In May of 2019, I presented a TED talk about my journey and the work of the CURESZ Foundation.
Recovery is possible today. There is hope. Even the most mentally ill individuals living on the street deserve the chance at a new life that comes when a person finds the right medication (for me, that medication was clozapine). As I work hard running CURESZ and enjoy a meaningful life, I am thankful for my full recovery every day.
I am so grateful that you and your mother have written books (and advocate) on behalf of the mental health community. Thank you for giving us hope.
Bethany, this is really wonderful insight you are sharing. A true gift that needs to be shared.
I have read both of the books. I found them both very interesting. We are currently dealing with my step son who was arrested after an altercation with the police. He was found in competent and was sent to Summit,court ordered. He is very intelligent and is finally beginning to take his meds with some improvements. We noticed signs of withdrawal a couple of years ago but since he was and adult we could not convince him to get treatment. His dad is attempting to get guardianship in case we need to step in later. He has huge support fro his family but has lost all contact with his friends. Be are taking the NAMI classes to get information from us but I would love more information. This illness is so hard to comprehend. Sorry just needed a moment to vent my concerns. I hope he is I his way to recovery. Do you speak locally inCincinnati. I would love to bring my husband to is being very supportive but needs a deeper understanding and of course hope for his son. Thanks Tama Stoeckel tsstoeckel@yahoo.com
Thank you for sharing your story! I , too, suffer from mental illness, schizoaffective disordrr, while I was never jailed I can relate to your experiences!
Thank you so much for speaking to our local NAMI group tonight. I want to say, first, that I am so sorry for what you endured. Our health care system let you down. It is certainly time for our (well intended) outdated laws to change to reflect modern science; and allow people with debilitating brain disorders, like schizophrenia, to receive the urgent MEDICAL care they need and deserve, just as we would treat someone who is having a stroke or developing a brain tumor or who has a head injury.
You are a courageous and AMAZING lady. Your story is incredibly heart wrenching and awe-inspiring.
Thank you for your advocacy! Bless you! I pray for your continued recovery and wellness.
I recently read “Insane Consequences” by DJ Jaffe and would highly recommend this book to anyone who is advocating
for better more humane and effective treatment and care for people who suffer needlessly from severe mental illness…who are too I’ll to ask for help….but aren’t “sick enough”
to get help.
http:\mentalillnesspolicy.org/insane-consequences.html
Bethany,
As someone who suffers from Schizophrenia, I am curious about your full recovery. You are fully recovered, correct? If so, are you still taking Clozapine?
How can I help? My love-one has a history of issues since his mid-twenties and is treated as a criminal first and foremost. Prior to his mental illness he to was college bound and was successful respected highschool basket ball coach.
He is smart, ambitious, and hard worker when in the right state of mind. Which is less and less these days.
He does have IED diagnosis. He has physically hurt people and remains a physical threat without his medication and therapy. He is now homeless and if not helped will end up in prison again.
Now that he is homeless there seems to be very little help and a dismal future for him. This is endless cycle of no help, no where to go, no home, no shower, no food, and unable to get work to improve his situation due to his current situation.
I always knew there was some type of mental illness and with the correct support and medications he could stabilize and lead a good life. This is not wishful thinking. I have witnessed it work when he has had support and the correct medication. However, he continues to lack the support and his medications have changed from what worked to some cheaper different medication.
Recently he faced suicide as a solution… but did not go through with it. Instead he continues to try and suffers with his illness. He is very much isolated again. This is no way for any person to exist.